


I love you

by omouono



Series: A light to my way [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, M/M, Mentioned Jeon Wonwoo, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22156147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omouono/pseuds/omouono
Summary: Jihoon found himself not being appreciated by others for who he is but for his talent. He even doubts the one he truly love. He cuts connection with everyone and soon, everything. He finally broke.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: A light to my way [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594813
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read. First angst after so long.

It's been a day. The sea breeze, as gentle as ever, cools down the hot weather. Not knowing about any problems or trouble, it blows like every other day. The sky, slowly turning orange, from the effect of the setting sun, noting that the day is about to end. No one was there. Nothing was there. Except a single piece of paper with words written on it as a reply and a white hydrangea. 

♪

Everything was the same. School, Work, everything. Things are the same as usual. Everything except for that one genius. As if needing to be stripped naked, he had go all length for others. Having 'nothing' on, now all he could do is seclude himself. He don't want to see anyone. No one appreciates his existence afterall. "Soonyoung..." no. Soonyoung have probably give up on him too. "Arghh...!!!" The said boy ruffled his own hair as he rolls off his bed. Taking a short glance at the mirror, all he could see was a pathetic looking shut in. "Who are you? You're not that 'genius!' Hahaha!!... Haha..." the smile slowly diminishing. "Lee Jihoon looks less pathetic than that.." Jihoon tucked his knees in, a small sad smile remains. 

"..Hyung..? Dinner's ready.."

"...." 

"Hyung..?" Jihoon silence himself fo a quick second. He can't let his housemate see him in this state. Not wanting said person to worry any further, he just hummed a random tune. Pretending as if he is writing a song at that point of time. And Mingyu fall for it. Mingyu really thought he was composing. He knew how focus Jihoon can be. Probably even oblivious to any disaster if any were to strike. He could always enter the door if he wants but instead, he didn't. "Hyung... I-I'll leave your dinner outside.." His heavy steps gradually getting softer, before it can no longer be heard.

  
Its been days since Jihoon last saw the world outside his room. The cycle had been repeating itself and now, Jihoon is completely broken. He was never 'normal' in the first place however, this is his end point. He had heard Mingyu talking to someone the past few days and he could always ask who that was. But no. He had made an oath to himself. He'll never come in contact with anyone ever again. To know that he wasn't loved for his existence but his talents had affect him more than he thought. Even Soonyoung whom he really love, seems affectionate with everyone else, making him think that Soonyoung doesn't actually like him in any special way. 

"I'm sure Soonyoung was lying when he said he love me. He's always clinging at me. He's always smiling. But he must have like me just like how he like the others.." A frown could be seen on Jihoon. " Now that I think about it, I've made him sad a lot times huh.. I'm sure I'll be the cause of the wrinkles on his beautiful face.." 

"Hyung..?" Ah- Mingyu. He haven't heard his voice for days. When Mingyu came to call for him, Jihoon is either asleep or is too immerse into his own composition. Jihoon looked at the wall clock. Slight confusion on his face. Its not time for dinner and lunch is long over. Could it be that he's angry at me for not eating?! But this isn't the first time!! "Hyung. Um.. Seungcheol hyung is here.. " 

"It's fine really! I just wanna check out on him. But if he doesn't want to, it's fine!!" Small mutterings cues right after that. However Jihoon couldn't believe his ears. That voice. Belonged to a certain childhood friend of his. To think that someone would still worry about Jihoon, even having thoughts of visiting him, he was a little happy.

".....!" Jihoon rummaged through his messy room quickly. He received an inspiration and now, he had immerse himself completely. He, who couldn't be able to write anything decent the past few days, finally got an inspiration. He couldn't help but instantly thought of Soonyoung. His mind is filled with nothing but Soonyoung. He really love his friend. He'd go all out for no one but Soonyoung. ".....no one.." A single tear dropped. No matter how good it is, he can't help but be reminded of his classmate. His supposed-to-be friends. "Say Soonyoung.. Why me..? Why won't you leave me like everyone else.. why..? Cheol too... why..?" He dropped his pencil, letting it roll to the other side of the room. 

♪

Jihoon hasn't move from his spot since the day before. At the exact same timing, he heard Mingyu talking to someone again. However, Jihoon couldn't care less. "... -Please help..!" Jihoon froze for a quick second. Mingyu who always seemed strong. The Mingyu that is persistent in taking care of him. A weak tone accompanied by some sniffling could be heard from the same Mingyu. He looked into the direction of the door. He slowly open the door slightly. 

"Mingyu." 

...! Its Soonyoung.

Silence cues the room. Not a single person had uttered a word, except the soft sniffle made by Mingyu tears. Jihoon couldn't say anything. In fact, he doesn't know what is there to say at that point of time. 'Why is Soonyoung here? Soonyoung wouldn't even come here.. He have deadlines coming up afterall...' Jihoon just looked at Soonyoung in silence. 

"... at least eat something. Mingyu is having a hard time time you know?" Soonyoung shrugged. Hearing no response from the shorter, Soonyoung adds on. "I guess I'll just take my leave.." and with that said, he left. 

Jihoon didn't move from his spot. Staring into the door that was opened just a few moments ago, nothing was in his mind. A blank space. Mingyu on the other hand, ran back to his room. "Sorry..." Jihoon mumbled softly, barely audible for said housemate to hear.

♪

  
Jihoon blankly stare at his computer screen. Void from any emotions. He have been staring at it for the past few hours, occasionally pressing the spacebar key at random intervals. The song that had been played upon pressing the spacebar key had come to an end after once again. "....."

Like an empty soul, Jihoon bring himself up from his swivel chair, sliding the curtain open, letting some light rays in after what felt like forever. His eyes twitched, slowly adjusting to the unfamiliar brightness of the Sun after a long time of cutting contact with the world. After a few minutes, Jihoon eyes ventured around the overly familiar view from his window. Followed by the random birds flying around. A sudden thought came to mind.

Jihoon sneakily tried to get out of the house without alerting Mingyu. But luck was not in his side, seeing how Mingyu turned to take something behind him when Jihoon decided to walk pass the living room. "Hyung?" 

Jihoon froze. "Omg!! You're finally out!" 

"... i'm sorry." A small whisper. Forcing his own body to move, Jihoon ran out of the house. Leaving a confused Mingyu behind.

♪

Jihoon alight from the bus, a strong breeze greeting him. Jihoon stroll along the shoreline of the sea upon arrival. Nostalgia accompanying the breeze that comes in contact with him. Leaving a trail on the sand with every steps he took.

_"Jihoon ah. Do you really like me? Everyone thinks I'm just being delusional.. We're really going out right?" Soonyoung shrugged as he lies on Jihoon's leg. His eyes fixed on the wide blue sea infront of them, not realising the latter's gaze on him._

_Jihoon remain silent. This is not the first time they had this conversation ever since they announced their relationship to their friends a week ago. Jihoon finger plays with Soonyoung's messy curls. He looks at Soonyoung's side gaze, a smile brought at the corner of his lips._

_"Soonie." Soonyoung looks at Jihoon, their eyes drawn to each other. "I should be asking you that. Are you sure you really like me as the person I am? Not for my talent?" Soonyoung was about to answer only to get cut off._

_"Whatever the universe had plan for us, the fact that we like each other is probably not a lie. Now shut up and sit. I want to start playing the guitar already. You wanted to spend our date today with my songs right? So stop being melancholic." Jihoon turns to take out his guitar, hiding his embarrassed face._

_Soonyoung rised from the latter's leg pillow. He caught sight of the tinted red ears and smile. "I really love you afterall. Your music. Your presence. Your hard-to-get personality. Your flaws. And most importantly, the Jihoonie that makes me feel complete."_

Jihoon sat at the rocky edges by the sea. The little space slightly distant from the main population, usually not visible by others at first glance. The little space he spend months with his boyfriend. Their secret place.

Songs after songs. From his oldest released track to the unreleased track. It accompanies him throughout along with the sound of the calm waves. Jihoon leaned against the smoother side of the rocks, staring at the greyish clouds. 

  
_'... Deep inside us_  
_Lies a sleeping emotion_  
_I've been searching so long…_  
_And you shone a light to my way'_

Quote a lyric from a new song he wrote during his hermit days

A single tear trickle down his already damp cheeks at the lyrics. The pain he brought himself upon when writing the song. Whether they're a lie or truth, the fact that Soonyoung was the inspiration he got is real. 

Jihoon may have claimed that they broke up considering their last argument but he isn't sure anymore. He left before Soonyoung could even stopped him. He cut all contacts with Soonyoung. With everyone. Leaving no one to explain anything if there is any. His phone? Somewhere in the river. His email, sns and what's not that could be accessed in the computer? He logged out from all of it. Deactivating some of it even. 

Despite all this, though he is avoiding everyone, he can never bring himself to tear the photos he treasures with Soonyoung. There is even a photo, out of many others, placed inside a photo frame where they took at his studio when they were only friends. It may seem like Soonyoung forced Jihoon to take it but Jihoon actually liked the picture the most out of everything else. 'It is to remind me about the effort you take to get me.' Jihoon once said.

Coincidentally, said photo frame was brought along with him. Jihoon hums sadly to the melody of his songs as his thumbs caress the Soonyoung in photo.

Hours has passed. The seaside are now almost empty. The streetlamps starts to switch on automatically to brighten the almost dark path. Jihoon stood up, leaving his items behind. His portable cd. His pictures with Soonyoung. His belongings. And most importantly, the songs written with Sooyoung in mind. Jihoon took one last glance at the things behind him and smile before walking. "It's about time."

"Ji...hoon?"

"I can't believe I am still hearing his voice.." Jihoon laugh bitterly. "Well whatever. To the world, thank you for the hardship. And to you, thank you. I really love you too." 

His body falls in contact with the slightly roaring waves beneath him.

\--

Soonyoung was not far away from where Jihoon was. When he walked towards the place that bears a lot of memories, he was surprised to see a familiar stature.

"Ji....hoon?"

Soonyoung watched as the said person mumbles some things to himself. When he saw Jihoon walking closer to the very last edge of the surface, Soonyoung realised he was too late. Horror filled his eyes. His body frozen. Numb to even stand anymore. Tears urging to fall but it couldn't. On his knees, Soonyoung eyes locked at the spot the smaller was at just moment ago. His lips getting dry as every second pass.

After what felt like hours of silent lamenting, papers could be seen fluttering at the corner of his eyes. It did not fly away due to some weight weighing it down. Soonyoung forced his every limbs to move as he stumbles his way to the place Jihoon sat some time ago. Soft melodies can be heard as he got closer.

Soonyoung looked at the things left behind. The photo frame caught his attention at first. With trembling hands, he held the frame. A small crack could be seen at the corner of the frame. His eyes found itself looking at Jihoon.   
Placing it down gently at his side, he then took the sheet musics. He scanned through the notes and the lyrics written below it. His heart wrench when the music changed to one that he happens to be reading at one point. The tears that was urging to fall finally trickle down his cheeks. At the end of the paper, a small note could be pasted at the corner.

_'I'll free you from the chains I unconsciously binded you with. You were probably all I have this whole time but I'm sorry for taking away your freedom. I'm sorry for all the sleepless nights you spent from worrying about me. I'm sorry for not making things go your way. The fact that we were happy though.. Thank you. As much as I love you, I don't want you to hurt anymore. I'd say Happy anniversary to us but we're over so instead, happy birthday to me. These music will be my last parting gift._

_PS I know that you come here everyday and I want you to stop hunging onto me. I bring you nothing but pain. Please continue to be happy like every other day. Please keep on shining brightly like the stars we love.'_

Soonyoung cried hard that night. He really do love Jihoon afterall.

♪

_Some time later_

"Hyung, wake up! We're gonna be late-"

"I'm already awake though?" Soonyoung laughed when he saw the reaction on the younger's face. 

Soonyoung walked pass Mingyu and grins. "No way am I going to be late for him."

Mingyu looks at Soonyoung and sighs. "And you're always late when we asked you out to eat." Mingyu followed behind Soonyoung. "Say, do you still love him?"

Soonyoung stop walking. Without even giving any thought on the question, he answered. "I do." He then turned to look at Mingyu before walking again. "Lets go already. Jihoon's waiting." 

Its been a year since then. Things change. Just like how Mingyu became ended up living with him because his boyfriend is Soonyoung's housemate. But that is for another story. Soonyoung was depressed for months upon Jihoon's death. But with Mingyu and Wonwoo's many failed attempt, Soonyoung is now back to how he used to be. In fact, even more stronger and mature. He may not have Jihoon by his side now but the thought of Jihoon looking over him from above, just waiting to welcome him at the afterlife, Soonyoung felt like he should work hard for the both of them.

"Jihoonie~ Happy birthday. my world had collapsed after you were gone but now I'm working hard for the both of us. I'm sorry for being childish back then. But there's nothing we can do to go back to the past anyway. I miss you.. So please wait for me."

Soonyoung sat infront of Jihoon's grave as he talked to the gravestone before him. As soon as he finished talking, a sudden gentle wind came along. As if the wind whispers around him, a gentle wind that feels like a blessing.

_'I miss you too.'_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if this make you cry but my heart is all empty now,,,,
> 
> Scream at me. Cry with me. Anything! I'm hurting too ;;


End file.
